a whole lot of merde

Even though I hate it the majority of the time, swimming has influenced my life to the point of no return. It has given me so many opportunities in meeting new people, and traveling to new places; it has made me the person I am today. When I was younger I never imagined of swimming in college, and now it is common knowledge. the pressure from my parents, along with my family that is filled with D1 athletes doesn't make it any easier. I may seem confident in my abilities but I am not, to any extent. I often worry that I will never be good enough for a college team, not only because of my times but because of my many injuries. I have been described as a fixer upper, and the equivalent to a beat up pickup truck but I still prevail and train, even when it hurts. Many may seem my injuries as a flaw, but I do not. It has given me a chance to see the different fields of physical therapy, orthopedics, and so on, and has helped me find a field of medicine that I truly love. Swimming has broken me down again, and again; but overall has made me a strong and determined person.

translate the last word in the title into french

failure is key

I was thirteen,  and scared out of my mind I hadn’t eaten or drank all day because I let my nerves get the best of me, I was the lead leg on a relay team that way significantly faster than me and about to swim. Behind the blocks it is all chaos and disorganization swimmers screaming, caps and goggles breaking, tears of happiness and disappointment happening all at once. The next thing I know the buzzer goes off, and I’m not on the blocks.

                Leading up to this moment I trained for seven months about four days a week, in this time I endured some of the hardest sets I’ve ever seen, and felt it felt like death.   My coach and fellow team mates continually encouraged me and the rest of our relay team to keep pushing ourselves because it would be worth it. I swam in the golds group and was the youngest one, except for Seamus who is like super human; the older swimmers would lap me multiple times on longer sets, but in the end would hardly be out of breath, I was constantly amazed. Two days before our departure to RPI we all met up at Kate’s house to try and visualize the race, eat healthy food, and have some team bonding shenanigans, I’ve never felt more out of place. I was the only swimmer from New Paltz and an eighth grader meanwhile everyone else was in high school. The car ride to practice was even worse, I was stuck in between two of the fastest swimmers on the team who had just met me and clearly was not very happy I was on their team. As we pulled up to the pool I was practically half way out of the car in hopes of escaping their judgmental stares to escape to the chlorine infested locker room. Petrified, I reentered the pool deck, I felt like I was entering an execution and I was the dead man walking. My coach reassured me with an enormous hug and a warm smile, but it didn’t help because I was already getting stares for the swimmers already in the pool.

                The drive to RPI was awful I couldn’t sleep or think about everything else, it was like a permanent ball and chain wrapped around my legs, I couldn’t go anywhere without the stress. It took me about an hour and a half to squeeze on my new fastskin, let’s just say it was like trying to put a size eleven foot in a size five shoe. We all warmed up in the skin tight suits and got behind the blocks with our warm up suits on. This was mistake number one that haunts my nightmares; my second was not checking the heat sheets.

                After I realized what just happened I ripped off my sweatshirt, barely put on my cap and goggles and dove in tree seconds after everyone else. I forgot to take off my shorts and they decided to stick around for an entire lap before being flung off at my flip turn where I then caught up to the rest of the swimmers and managed to beat them to the wall. My head was spinning I had no idea what I just happened and I felt like I was drowning. 

                This experience has taught me many things and how to accept failure is one of them, not only did I let myself down, but my entire relay team which was almost too much for me to handle. I begged and pleaded to the officials crying my eyes out for a second chance, I was consistently denied. On the third and final day of the swim meet the Gods spoke and my coach, along with many of my team mates convinced the officials for a time trial. Even though we did eventually swim the relay I will always be known as the girl who swam with her shorts on; and I will ALWAYS be early to my events.  

this video is of me, two years later and the only female from my team swimming individual events, and made it back to finals in all of my events. because of my traumatic late start as a timid swimmer I am now stronger.

AP lit from a student pov

In the beginning  of the year I felt like a complete idiot, I had no idea how to write and I felt as if I couldn't be in the class but the humor and common struggle among my friends helped me get through it. Around midterm time everyone was real stressed, not just for lit but all of our other classes as well. Just when we thought we were going to have to take yet another unbearable test toz shared with us great news, no essay and a MASSIVE curve, at that time I remember I didn't not only thank God, but also Jesus. At this point everyone realizes that Ms. tozzi actually loves us and we don't need to be scared of her because she's actually the best teacher in NPHS. Around AP tests we all were nervous and we hoped that we would do well and some studied there butts of others not so much but hey, whatever floats your boat. And the constant flow of practice MC, snacks, and 90s TV show breaks got us theought the year with flying colors. we all love toz and this poorly written blog is about that. I don't like blogging, I am not good at blogging and in general don't really have a plan while blogging, I'm sorry Ms. Tozzi I am for real.  

Nantucket

 This is the place I feel most at peace, I spent my summers here all of my family has as well and it is a major part of my childhood. I remember running down the stairs of our town house onto the cobblestone strays and the smell of sea water immediately filling my head, we'd run to the village bakery to get bagels and breakfast pastries; we knew the town like the back of our hands. Sitting on the doc with our feet and legs dangling stuffing our faces, as the sea breeze blew our hair all over the place. As we walked back we would stop at every single shop along the street like the black dog, cold noses, and a small trinket shop that was always my favorite. The signs that lined the streets filled with bright colors are still vivid in my memory and the thought of them brings a smile to my face. I still have a small sea shell box that I got and proudly showed to everyone and filled with more seashells  that I keep on my dresser. Everyday we'd go to the beach with the whole family everyone packing towels or food, scrambling around the house but so common that it just felt natural. The enormous rainbow umbrella and light blue beach towel was like home base, every hour or so we would have to check in then return to whatever game or adventure we were in. The rocky beaches covered with seagulls transformed into so many different settings and environments, it's where my imagination went wild. Our old town house is above all my favorite; if you were to approach it on the street it would look like any ordinary house but it is so much more. It cultivated so many precious memories, inside jokes between cousins and is a place I will forever cherish. Once you go through the front door you have to climb a flight of wooden stairs to the entrance of the living room that had the light floral couch, the wicker rocking chair, and the TV with the VCR; the kitchen was connected and it had a white marble island with stools that I was too short to sit at (hard to believe,right?), and the washer and dryer were in the closet towards the back right. Now the loft was the coolest spot in the entire house to get there you would have to climb up a ladder that was on the right side of the living room, and when you get up, you almost immediately fall in love with it, futon mattresses lighted the floor with body pillows everywhere and a TV/VCR mounted on the wall. After a long day at the beach every single member of my family would climb up and we'd watch a movie together; and in those moments I was surrounded by some in the most influential people in my life. 

Nine years ago this August my grand mother passed away, who was one of the most influential people in my childhood and in my mothers life and Nantucket was her absolute favorite place. It became painful for our family to return without her until last year, We returned to the house, and the beach, and the small trinket shop and I showed my sister all the things that I used to do, all the games I used to play and secret hiding spots that only a few people knew about, and she loves it just the same. Nantucket makes me happy and it is my safe place. 

Fam

Mid-August we all huddled around a small wooden coffee table  fanaticized by a simple card game, for hours we played; shocked that  the oldest cousin, Annie would win every time. War, BS, spoons you name it and we played, at the time I had no idea what BS meant but still managed to win on occasion. That day was my mother’s birthday after our card marathon we decided we wanted to bake a cake, we put everything and anything we could find into a bowl put the oven to three fifty and let it bake for a couple of  hours. After the first use of the ancient fire extinguisher we decided to try to make sand pies instead. Packing infinite grains into red solo cups singing whatever Fergie song was hot at the time and believing that the day would never end. We sang, danced and chanted  meaning less sayings that will be forever etched into my brain. As the sun went down we all retreated back to the beach house to eat and continue to reenact the movie Grease. We were happy every last one of us. Even though it’s been about ten years, we still play Uno till three in the morning, dance to Fergie and sing at the top of our lungs.